Leftoverist Leap of Faith Cookies
I saw my friend Dawn at the gym this morning, who told me she's had cookies on the brain lately because of this blog. She's too nice to curse me, but huffing and puffing at 5:45 a.m. was punishment enough. Sorry, Dawn. More cookies.
But there's more to this story. 1) These are for the fire station. I don't know about the rest of them, but Yancey's been burning the calories like nobody's business. Even if their call volume is light, probationary firefighters aren't supposed to stand around. He is busy every second. And 2) I'm celebrating. Maybe this celebration is premature, but I've never been good about keeping secrets or waiting for the Big Reveal.
No, I'm not pregnant. I wouldn't be making cookies if that were the case--I'd be crying in my pillow and calling the bank to refinance. I do feel like something is about to be born, though. After nine months of mucking around, I thought I had decided to go out and find a full-time organization development job--be an internal consultant somewhere. I was willing to do that, but then started viewing everything through the "I'm-about-to-be-gone-from-my-kids-50-hours-per-week" lens. I got really sad--no more meeting Wyatt at the bus stop; no more Friday mornings at Macrina with Loretta and Milo or volunteering in Wyatt's classroom; no more keeping up with laundry (almost) or eating dinner at 6:00.
Helped along by my friend and mentor Kathy, here's my leap of faith: I'm going to refocus my consultation practice, get serious, and really invest in it. I know I haven't done this yet for a couple reasons. For one, I just wasn't ready--I needed to explore some, flounder a little, figure out what I really cared about. Even more, though, I was afraid of failure. If I really claim something, articulate it, put it out there, people will have expectations. And what if I can't fulfill them? What if I can't deliver?
My friend Scott said something last week that was timely and incisive. He said we normally think we can't risk until we trust. But it's really the other way around--we can't trust until we risk, until there's nothing left to do but trust. When we've leapt off the cliff already, we can't be stitching up a net and worrying about whether or not it will catch and hold us. We just have to trust the net will appear--we're not in control anymore.
I'm excited, nervous, a little bashful, and aware that there is a lot of work to do and many more leaps to take. But I haven't had this much peace in a long time. Maybe it's the calm before the storm, but I'll take it.
These cookies are something I made up--sort of--this afternoon. In NYC, Bethany and I had David Chang's "Compost Cookies," made with pretzels, coffee grounds, potato chips, chocolate chips, and oats. They were good, but I knew I could make something better. (Don't worry, David--you still kick my ass in every other cooking venture.) I started with the same base as My Mom's Chocolate Chip Cookies, and threw everything else in from there. A culinary leap of faith that payed off.
Wyatt had one after dinner, chewing contentedly, an occasional grunt of satisfaction. He lost another tooth today and ran off the bus to tell me about it. I know I can't be there every day for those moments, but it's looking like I won't miss all of them. It feels good to be caught.
Leftoverist Leap of Faith Cookies
Makes two dozen. You can take your own leap of faith with these cookies, experimenting with other things like corn flakes, potato chips, dried fruit, other kinds of nuts or baking chips.
1 1/2 c. flour
1 c. oats
1 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. white sugar
1 ts. salt
1 ts. soda
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
2 cubes (1 c.) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
1/2 c. granola
1 1/2 c. pretzel twists, coarsely broken
1 c. whole raw cashews
1 c. butterscotch chips
1 c. chocolate chips
Combine flour, oats, sugars, salt and soda in a large bowl.
Add eggs, melted butter, and all other ingredients. Gently stir until everything is just combined. Refrigerate dough for at least 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 375. Drop refrigerated dough by Tablespoons onto a parchment-covered cookie sheet and bake until just set, about 10 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool to room temperature before removing from the baking sheet.
November 20, 2009
Reader Comments (14)
Brava, brava! It is VERY uncomfortable to commit yourself to that void of tangibility, where you just have to DO something in order for other things to happen. Reading your post made me very happy just now, as I come off reading a philosophical novel that had a similar faith-based optimism. All I can say is, keep being such a great act to follow! :-)
These look great! It's sorta like a kitchen sink cookie. I love the addition of pretzels....yum!
I have so much admiration for you. Your clarity of emotion, your logical thinking, and your Bravery to leap are exactly what is needed to get you there. Congratulations! And your cookies look fabulous!
I wish you the best of success with this new adventure!
And pretzels in cookies?? Brilliant!
oh, i am transported to Momofuku Milk Bar and eating that divine banana cake, cereal milk soft serve, and that compost cookie. thank you for that memory. i wish i could pluck one off the screen and eat it. and in terms of your work decision, good for you! i know you will be rewarded for your leap of faith...you already are. it encourages me in my own leaping that must come.
These sound great with the pretzels in them! Good luck with your new venture!
Brings to mind the favorite quote of many by Marianne Williamson, quoted by Nelson Mandela during his Inauguration Speech:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
So, thank you for having the courage to let your light shine because it's powerful stuff and contagious and you inspire us to do the same. I'm super excited for you.
Sara & Leo and Phyliss, and the rest said it so well. Having the peace about your decision, is what will give you the courage to jump, and help you discover the net is there. As you let your light shine, others will see it and want to shine too. I'm so proud of your decision for your sake and for the sake of those precious kids, what a difference your presence will make. In a couple more years you won't even need a tooth fairy, much less one who greets their child at the bus stop and listens to his day. Knowing you, and your kids, I'm confident you have deliberately been lead down this path. Embrace it now! You'll have no regrets.
Maybe after watching you take the leap, it will give me the courage to make those business cards I've been putting off for 10 years.
P.S. I love you dearly!
I love this quote, Sara, but I'm not sure I've ever totally embraced it for myself. I have an easier time doing that for other people sometimes :) Thank you for reminding me. I hope you and Leo are happy and well.
Love you too, Mom. And you should definitely get those business cards going on--all of us are dying to promote you.
Well said. As someone who's been home almost six months(!) I am still navigating the change to at home life. I admire your bravery and hope I have it when the time comes to truly decide if the home life is one I'll have for a while. By the way, I found your site because my mother works with your cousin in Portland. Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving! Jen
If that isn't a reason to bake cookies I don't know what is! Sarah, you have a wonderful spirit combined with the drive of a NASCAR vehicle...you're going to do great things for some lucky clients and hold on to your flexibility at the same time! Hey these cookies are similar to a "rainbow" cookie Abby loves to bake... It has everything under the rainbow in them--- we haven't tried adding pretzels--- that sounds yummy. Congrats on your epiphany!
This comment is awesome: "the drive of a NASCAR vehicle"
!!
So true!
I'm glad you have a venue where we can witness the unfolding. Can't wait for all the juicy details.
Love the thoughts on risk and trust... And well done you for being well to step out into the unknown. The idea (and name) for the cookies is so perfectly timed here, and of course they look delish. Can't wait to try them.