Maybe because it's Christmastime, I'm so nostalgic lately for when my kids were younger. I've been telling them stories and finding old photos, and I'm blown away when I think about having these little people in my life for almost 11 years. Parenting is a relationship, and boy do they ever have a relationship with me! They've seen me at my wits end, they've seen me cry, they've eaten thousands of my meals, been in my body and close to my body.
I wasn't excited about having kids. When I think about the possibility I could have said no this, I almost come undone. I didn't know how much I'd feel hung out to dry--how terrifying it would be to love someone so much. And I didn't know how terrifying it would be not to. Like I've said before, there are many ways to be broken open. These two are my way, and I am alive with love and longing for them.